We believe that it's important that we start from the beginning because that's how everything happens, right? Living beings are born into this world and they proceed through life on a journey. Those journeys are pivotal to who we are. The Coming Out Chronicles is the beginning for us and our people. Happily Ever Queer is on the greatest mission to find people that make our community what it is and to hear all of the stories that they wish to tell.
The Coming Out Chronicles section of this blog will be a chance for us and our readers to get to know the people of our community. We are passionate about creating a hub where our guests have a chance to speak their truth and only their truth. Here the truth will not be judged, it will be celebrated. Within our space, the words and stories of our guests that wish to tell their truth will live on helping provide comfort, support, and inspiration to others that are following a similar path.
Happily Ever Queer is extremely particular in choosing their guests because in order to be the best, you have to have the best. We are extremely excited about this collaboration as it is very special to us. It is our first interview and feature with a collaborator who has never spoken on the topics that we touch upon. Therefore it is a first for many! Without further ado, we are proud to announce our first collaboration is with....
Who better to join our family than Lydia? Welcome to Happily Ever Queer. Lydia has achieved gaining over 60k followers on Tik Tok sharing her experiences being a femme lesbian. This is such a wonderful achievement and brilliant for our community however, it wasn't always positive which you will learn more about in the interview. So with that being said, buckle in. From learning about Lydia's coming out story to what she looks for in a woman, she tells her deepest secrets for the first time. We hope you enjoy reading this feature as much as we have creating it.
Q. So, Lydia, you’re 25 and proudly a lesbian woman. Has it always been that way?
No, it definitely hasn't always been the case, I knew I wasn't straight for so long before I came out, but I was really ashamed. It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I remember being sat in my room searching 'am I gay?' and 'how do I make myself straight?' I think because I'm so feminine presenting nobody assumed anything which made me more reluctant to say. I remember my friends starting to get boyfriends in school and I had zero interest. I always put it down to having no time and playing so many sports. Learning to love my attraction to women has been a long process but definitely worth it, as I wouldn't change it for the world now. Women are beautiful and I can't imagine a life where I would think any differently.
Q. What age did you know you were gay and when did you come out? Was the experience positive?
'Coming out' happened in stages for me. But there was a good two years before I told anyone about how I was feeling and would just sit in my head about it. Constantly thinking it over and over in my mind. I told my best friend first when I was 15. This was years before I told anyone else. As my confidence grew, I gradually told a few more of my close circle during sixth form. Any interaction with girls during this time was a huge secret. In my first year of university, it was tough. I was outed by someone, something I think anyone should ever have to go through. Coming out should be down to the individual when the time feels right. A few months into dealing with it without the support of my family, I remember thinking I have to tell my mum. I wasn't so much as worried she wouldn't accept me; I was just scared that I would disappoint her and my dad. In the end, I decided to do it at Christmas when I was in my first year of university. We were shopping when I told her and afterwards, I went out with my friends. After I came home, I found a note on my pillow saying 'I'll love you whoever you are' which was the heaviest weight lifted. After that, things became so much easier. I got my first girlfriend and came out to the rest of my family. One thing I'd say is being a femme lesbian, coming out happens every single time you meet someone new.
Q. What’s your type of woman?
Personality-wise, confidence and communication are so attractive to me. Someone who will match my energy is very important. I also love someone who can put me in my place a bit when it comes to it ha-ha! In terms of looks, I love to say I don’t have a type and that I’m open-minded, but I’ve always been more attracted to femme girls. It’s very much a lesbian thing to date someone who’s the ‘same font’ as you. A hot blonde girl really does hit differently (my friends will say it’s narcissistic ha-ha)
Q. What aspect of the LGBTQ+ community would you like to see improved?
I absolutely love being a part of the community, but sometimes I would love it to be a bit less judgmental. I think we’re all fighting to be accepted in society so it’s important we make everyone in the community feel the same. Oh, I would also love more gay bars that aren’t stereotypically a gay bar. I’ve always said I’d love to open a bar/club that’s got that real boujee vibe and plays more R&B/ Hip-hop/Rap music, not all queer people like the same music.
Q. Who is your celebrity crush?
I don’t tend to crush on celebrities that much, but my childhood crush was always Jessie J, think I saw her 7 times lol. But I think Anne Marie and Zoë Kravitz are 10/10.
Q. If you agreed to go on a first date, what would your ideal first date be?
It takes a lot to agree to go on a first date ha-ha, but I’d definitely say we must do something fun that involves a drink. I’m more than happy to be the one to plan the date so then I can relax and just enjoy the good vibes.
Q. The three things you couldn’t live without
My best friend (Lucy) who is my rock, my Gemini necklace which I wear every day that my Nan left for me, and my Bear White House (weird name don’t ask) which I’ve had since the day I was born.
Q. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Give me a fat bowl of pasta with tender stem broccoli (so basic but if I have to have it every day I could cope)
Q. What’s your biggest ick in a partner?
Someone who is rude to people they think are lower than them, like if we’re out and they’re rude to the waiter then I would instantly be out of there.
Q. What your biggest fear is?
Being bored and feeling like I haven’t accomplished much at the end of my life.
Q. Who is your biggest inspiration?
My Grandma, who I called Nanny apple pie because she loved to bake. Unfortunately, she passed away in June 2021. She was 92 and accepted me for being gay, she was the kindest and most open-minded person of her age I’ve ever met. She taught me a lot about being selfless whilst still loving yourself 100%.
The next question is probably the most important in this interview and both Lydia and Happily Ever Queer will agree that it can help lots of people in similar circumstances.
Q. What advice would you give to someone who’s coming to terms with their sexuality?
Treat yourself with kindness and patience, being accepting of yourself doesn't just come overnight. I know it can be so scary but trust me that eventually, it will get easier even when it doesn’t feel like it. I’d start by telling people you trust first but remember you don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to “coming out” so do it when it feels right for you. Even when it can feel so lonely just know there’s an amazing community that would love to have you in it. Also, you don’t have to label yourself as anything. It’s 2022 so date whoever the fuck you want regardless of gender.
Thank you, Lydia, for opening yourself up and allowing us to get to know you and your story. Coming out is probably one of the most important parts of our lives. What this interview has highlighted and reinforced is that the people that walk among us can literally be going through anything, you never know what happens behind closed doors.
What we find extremely interesting is that at the stage in her life when Lydia discovered who she was and preparing to come out, she wasn't just thinking about the people who aren't in the community receiving her news, but she was also thinking about the queer community and how they would perceive her. The world that we live in today isn't as kind as it was and that's sad. People should feel safe and supported in any circumstance but sometimes that isn't the case. Lydia said that she was outed as a lesbian in her first year of university. Strictly under no circumstances is it acceptable to out someone for who they are. No one has any idea what the circumstances that individual is in, outing them could put them in a dangerous situation. It is a violation of their privacy. Often people who are outed feel blindsided and are forced to reveal a deeply personal part of their identity without their consent and under someone else’s terms.
Coming out is a process, and as Lydia says, she came out in stages, she did not necessarily reveal her whole truth at once. We also need to allow that person to decide when to come out of that closet because of discrimination, homophobia, or potential marginalization they would receive from their family and community. It is only truly the person who wishes to come out's decision. Learning, discovering, and accepting that you are queer is a very complex issue and must be treated with care.
Therefore, respectfully, don’t fucking do it.
We’ve really enjoyed getting to know Lydia and feel super privileged that our first collaboration is with her. It also highlighted some important values that we believe will help inspire others.
Until next time, stay queer friends.